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Because I *am* the QNotKU (and you're not)



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WITH NINE YOU GET VANYR, coming Winter 2006 from Samhain Publishing


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I have pneumonia. Pronounced "pee-new-moan-ya" earlier by my granddaughter in an attempt to cheer me up. *checks* Nope, sorry Bree, didn't work. Dammit.

Anywho, thought I'd drop a line and let folks know I actually am alive, I just feel like a hairball the cat spat out. Finding out that I've been neatly excised from someone's emails, IMs and LJs -- someone who I'd thought was a close friend (and have no clue why she dropped me like a hot potato) -- isn't helping with my depression much either.

Man. I wish I could have a drink. But I can't, so maybe you guys could try and cheer me up? Tell me a funny story or bad joke or something. ANYTHING. I need a smile or two.

Drooping like a wilted petunia,
  • Oh, I'm so sorry that you have pneumonia. I hope that you're feeling better soon. And this won't make you feel much better, but if that person could cut you off so completely without an explanation, then they're not anybody's friend. ~hugs~

    Hmm, this is a bit long, but it's one of my favorite jokes:

    A little old lady went into the Bank of America, carrying a large, threadbare satchel. She told a teller that she wanted to open a savings account, but insisted upon speaking to the president of the bank because "I have a lot of money in my bag."

    The teller told the woman that she could open the account for her, but the woman insisted that she must speak with the bank president. Finally, the teller relented, and after much hemming and hawing, the woman was ushered into the president's office.

    The bank president asked the lady how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$200,000," and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

    The president was surprised at the money scattered over his desk. "Ma'am, I can't believe that you're carrying so much cash around," he said. "Where did you get this money?"

    The woman waved her hand dismissively. "I make bets."

    The president's eyebrows shot up. "Bets? What kind of bets?"

    The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."

    The bank president almost choked with laughter. "You can't win anything making that kind of bet."

    "Oh, I don't know," the old woman said. "I think I can. Will you take the bet?"

    The president nodded. "Sure, I'll take that bet. It will be the easiest $25,000 that I ever made."

    The little old lady said, "Okay, but since we're betting a lot of money here, I' want to be certain. I want my lawyer present and since I've learned that looks can be deceiving, I want to touch them - just once - so that I can be certain of whether they're really square or not."

    The president hesitated, but finally agreed. "But only in the privacy of my office. You bring your lawyer here tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. Then you can expect to pay me $25,000."

    "Done," the lady replied.

    That night, the president was very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side again and again. He thoroughly checked until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

    The next morning, precisely at 10:00 am, the little old lady and her lawyer knocked on the bank president's office door. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says your balls are square!"

    The president agreed with the bet again, and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls, and then reminded him that she was going to touch them.

    "Okay," said the president, "but be quick about it."

    At that moment, the lawyer began to quietly bang his head against the wall.

    The president asked the old lady, "What's the matter with your lawyer?"

    She reached out and grasped the president's testicles and replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by 10:30 today, I'd have the president of the Bank of America by the balls."
    • *hugs scatteredlogic Thanks, sweetie. I think I needed to be reminded of that.

      As for your joke....ROFLOLMAOPIP! Hehehehe, I think I'm going to send that one to my BIL.

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